open letter

The place that you have left me is a foreign land. i have no idea who is a friend sometimes. Most of the time, i don't want to trust because i am afraid of expectations and disappointments. Where is this leading me to? Why are you showing me this? =S It is such a pain in the neck, the kind of thorn that Paul asked to be taken away from him. Struggling like a insane soul in the inside to make some perfect sense on the outside. The more i see, the more i feel like ripping it apart. Since i am so imperfect, the one you love is so imperfect, why do you still love it with your life? The love you know and the love i know seemed to be worlds apart but i am not about to let go yet. Please help me to redefine and refine my understanding as i walk with you. I am serious about building more solid friendships that will last till eternity because given the journey i am gonna go if i am dead serious, i need more. So God, please send them ok?

Therefore, as i witness many more funny things that you unfold in my life, i can't help but wonder about my love for you. Every time i say i love you, i will think if i really did loved you. If i love you, i will go-regardless of the people, regardless of the circumstances because i know Jesus will continue to give, to serve and to wash the feet of others. He is the one whom i will follow after. So, i pray that i may always choose to go the Jesus way!

The world behind me, the cross before me, no turning back no turning back..

1 Corinthians 13:1-7
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

we are nothing if we don't love

2 Timothy 2:22
Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.



we'll go anywhere


i told debbie it's tired to pretend you are okay.
i told jasmine i hope we have talked more yesterday.
i told carrie my brain is thinking of senseless things.
i told guanzhen i hope i have a friend to sit by me till dawn.
i told junyao the last 2 days i want to just toss my 10cents coin into the drain.
i told dewen i am becoming more and more silly.
i told liyi that i really thank her for being there.
i told maurise i am feeling helpless.

and so i realised i have friends.

shutting myself from the world for 2 days feels like i am the only one walking in the dark alley. dark hours, how would you spent it? the one person i talk to all day is my faithful God-the one who sees, who hears and feels for and with me. i just spent some wee hours sitting in his stillness. I would have miss it all, if i fought this battle myself. I don't need more. i just want to say thankyou, God.

Father, I can't explain this kind of love
This kind of grace
I know I still break Your heart
And yet You run to welcome me

This is my song of praise to You
For who You are and all that You do
From the moment my life began
You have been faithful Father

I love the way You hold me close
And say my name
I know when my life is through
My heart will find its home in You



turn your back around

emotionless is the word.
past the point of overwhelming emotions we often end up feeling emotionless.
my little nephew seemed to know what's happening without being told.
he is feeling frustrated and always wanting to cry.
i don't grieve but my soul is downcast.
i didn't cry but many times i fought back my tears.
it pains to see one leave and the other talking about regrets.
it pains to come to terms with reality.
i didn't ask God why.
i just thought what if it happens to me.







for now,
this moment,
it's true,
i just hope i have a friend who will sit with me.




kids rule

i spent my entire day entertaining my little nephew.
kids are little angels and little monsters :)
we watched barney, cars, incredibles, power ranger, mr bean.
cartoons and eeyore rock.

he loves the sofa and jumps on the sofa like nobody's business.
smartie pie, your favourite sofa gonna spoilt soon.

i need to study ! =((

can i have a proper break please?

dear God, there are alot of things i am helpless for, please help me to take care of them.
Father extend your gracious hands to those who don't know you, protect them as you have protected me, give them comfort and strength. I have no idea why my soul is so downcast, stay with me. I need you. thank you Lord.



say it isn't so

life is a fight.
a fight to be alive.
you are as close to death just as the last breath ends.
and when it all ends, it ends.
didn't we all live to know we will die?
at the end of the day,
to me, it will be a race completed,
the hour i will see you face to face,
when i will shift from my earth dwelling to your heavenly home.
but back on earth,
who's gonna remember you when you're gone?
are you just another consumer on this surface?
have you touched and changed lives?
if not, what good is being alive?

it got me thinking.
jesline, invest in other's life, is the way to go.

today, i had my accounts paper!
indeed as swiftly as time flies,
it is all over and done with now.
i can't help it but remember i am built on a rock,
Jesus is my rock. :)
another period of countless days of mugging ahead,
but really thank God for study cgmates
and people who prayed and prayed with me and for me.
God challenged me to be a blessing and i hope i never fail his test, in one way or another.
Plus, i really admire the Jesus who feeds the 5000. Imagine how stressful it is, yet He gave thanks and trusted God to provide for the crowd. :) Therefore, i am learning to handle stress like Jesus.

Matthew 7:25
The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.





you don't have to go


i am tired of like half a day of accounts.
the day is not productive at all.
tomorrow is the last day before exam kicks off.
the senses within me are rather numb.
i am going there with some expectations that i am unsure of.
best bit of all,
i wonder how i can do and redo,
do and redo yet still not very sure when the question twists.
how can that be?
it's not a fair game.

isn't the best of all times, but would you still smile for me?



sand in the shoes

it's true.
my accounts notes are dead tired of me.
when they see me, they say i'm boring.
i so wanna kiss them goodbye.

you're boring too. =S



honest hearts

school reminds you of childhood fun.
how about having a decade date?
our three year covenant is a test of trust.
sunshine on my skin speaks of God's faithfulness.
the lost child behind the smile.
show your convictions by showing your deeds.
i am faith :)
best friends with notes, tutorials, textbooks.
leading a consistent life is fundamental, no double-standards.
the art of balancing is essential.
say no,to emotional dependencies.
expect from God not man.
following leadership is biblical.
if no one will, make me the one who will.
build friendships that will last for eternity.
righteousness is the way to go.
labour for bread that will not perish.
be responsible for the ones entrusted to you.
to go far,you must be disciplined.
i don't need a self-esteem fund.
physical beauty is but flawed.
are you ready, it's either now or never.
how far will i go?
be the order of my life.
the centre of my focus is You.
action and consequence goes hand in hand.
look beyond human limits, your greatness has no boundaries.
run to the altar.
keep my heart pure, filter off deceit.
build me so that i may build your house.
everything i've been through, use it for your glory.
we miss an old-school friend.
doing my best, trusting you for the rest.
if i can be better, don't settle for good.
your priorities, they speak for you.
your health is my burden, stay well.
if it matters to you, it matters to Him.
big girls don't cry. :)

pray.
pray.
pray.
pray.
pray.
pray.
pray.
and pray.




you are good

dear Jesus, this is for you,
for what you're done for me.
for never letting loose of my hand
even when i am about to let go
because you saw more in me
the me that i never knew.
thank you. :)

faith, loves you.

i was expecting just a pass but i got credit. way to go.
for you, i will never give up.
the world is looking but i'll okay, i'll do my best, you'll do the rest.




our secret garden

i visited our secret garden more times each day.
i run to our secret garden where you can always be found.
i think my 10 fingers are not sufficient to count how i have been tested recently.
will you be faithful? will you exercise self-control? will you be more patient? will you learn to love these difficult ones? will you live in my joy and peace through these times of testings?

dear God, i want and i will with your grace.
and you will not test me beyond what i can bear.
i'm stretched. -smiles-

jiayoujiayoujiayou.
pray for me okay. exams are like so near.

plus i did laundry today! teehee. :)

all my clothes. gosh.
i really change alot of clothes in like 4 days. haha.



she will be loved

physical flaws they make you feel bare before the world.
physical flaws,can we choose not to flaunt them?
physical flaws,will someone eventually fall in love with them?



slow down

thrill of speeding is beyond description but didn't anyone remind us about the thrill of crushing as well. The things you do in life, it says alot.

the price tag behind the thrill is costly.

Righteousness is the way to go, i so believe. :)

Proverbs 21:21
He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor.



when you're gone

i just kept very silent because i couldn't find the words. i don't know if there is anything i can share to anyone, i don't know if anyone will care to understand at all. at the end of the day, will anything matter at all? maybe not. i feel like the box which says ' fragile, handle with care'. i have learnt to put on a shield for my heart, because even if you feel weak, you must be strong. It happened all the time, maybe this is one of those few times again. But how come, things ain't better at all? Many times when your loved ones are hurt, they aren't the ones who hurt most. Instead, it is the ones who loved you that hurts most. Allow us to love you back.
I'm scared, haven't you know?

Dear God, thankyou for knowing me. knowing every part of me, knowing my burdens, knowing my fears, knowing my anxieties. Knowing these and more and yet stayed with me. I don't know but you know, because you know, i know i will be a-okay.

and aunty loh i miss you alot. :)



blow you away


i am thinking about-
1 sin and man
Sin. God hates sin because it destroys man (us). I was thinking each time i consciously or unconsciously fall into sin i am surrendering little bits of my life to the devil each time.

Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

2 significance of water baptism
to return to sin after sealing our souls in baptism is like comitting adultery on your honeymood. baptism is a scared vow of a believer to follow Christ. Just as the wedding celebrates the fusion of two hearts, baptism celebrates the union of the sinner with the Saviour.
from the grip of grace, Max Lucado

Romans 6:2
By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?

3 God's love
A holy God and his love. God's holiness demands sin to be punished yet at the same time his love compells him to save sinners. Therefore, Jesus went to the cross for us. He is the love who came down from heaven, the one who is sinless yet punished for sin, the one who tore the curtain in the temple into two, signifying his eternal presence with man.

Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord

-----


we were out the entire of yesterday. eating playing eating playing eating and playing. i think the next best thing on earth is the EAT. :) i am the green shrek of the day, together with my new recruit buddy xiang xiang aka ah lin, the big bully aka my new buddy aka smartie dewen, the hei xingxing aka black uncle aka jun, my prettier twin sister aka tinklebell aka hamster jess, michy mich michelle and waiwai wai ngar. we had alot of fun. thankyou God =)


pingping and me!
sheepmate, thanks for being around this period. :)
its like a huge stone lodge to my heart but i am so blessed to have you to confide in.
i don't know where everything is gonna take us, but i am hopeful that we will end up being a better person and at the destination God has planned. Like you say, its a challenge and i have already taken it up. So bear with me as we journey on...



the sound of peace

I'm forgiven because You were forsaken
I'm accepted, You were condemned
I'm alive and well, Your spirit lives within me
Because You died and rose again
Amazing Love, how can it be?
That You, my King, would die for me
Amazing Love, I know it's true
And it's my joy to honor You
In all I do, I honor You.

through the course of life there are always highs and lows, ups and downs.
through the course of a christian life, it is the same.
I am a child of God in this world, having my own fair share of pain and strings of headaches.
The difference is, i call upon His name.
My greatest comfort is his promise of being with me now until forever.

John 16:33
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! i have overcome the world.

Matthew 28: 20
And surely I am with you always, to the end of the age.



you'll never listen

it's easy to depart with your fondest things,
when you know parting with them brings a greater joy.
or rather you have experienced that kind of joy before,
it's so addictive that you want to give it all away.
to give is better than receiving.
however, my fingers are so sticky when it comes to these fondest things
it's a challenge to share and give it all away.
and i know because i am a selfish human =x
help me, i am packing them into a box now
and i want give it away even if there's a tinge of me that wants to stop me
cos at the end of the day, it's gonna bring a greater joy for receiver and me and God. =)
tell me about that sort of joy.




indescribable

thank you for a packed week-i learn to manage more now.
thank you for crazy hours of studying for law-you were there for and with me.
thank you for the people in school- it couldn't have been better without you.
thank you for sharings with people-we are still learning not perfect afterall.
thank you for the divine days-better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere. :)
thank you for the family conference at home-so that i know i can be a even better kid at home.
thank you for caregroup-a group that is always welcoming,always loving,always caring.
thank you for the hands that are always working-God's hands that always work for the good of those who loved Him. :)
thank you God!

life is always overflowing when i am your hands,feet and mouth.

Isaiah 6:8-
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"



it's our turn

...and i thought is it definitely senseless to fight.
so why sweat the small stuffs? =x

okay, i m thinking of not schooling tmr unless absolutely necessary.
anyone wants to be my study buddy from 11am to 430pm?
nus will be good. :)



your silly one


let's not talk about the result instead let's talk about the process.
i was in the process of studying for my law test the last two days.
yesterday, i was just reminded of how i was like when i am in my upper secondary and college days. the four years felt like an extended period in the span of my life. i don't know how i allowed myself to fall and hurt, fall and hurt, fall and hurt over the four years. perhaps it's the stubbornness, perhaps its the circumstances, perhaps its the expectations that i can't break through. i think the four years is a turning point and my A level results is the full stop. The hurts of failing an expectation, falling short takes away bits and bits of the esteem in you. To some point, being part of where i used to be seems illogical. how did i end up being one of the best when i am actually the worst of the best? Anyway, some how or another i became the me today. I learnt of humility, i learnt of not having to be the best but doing you best, i learnt to taking the easier option out sometimes, i learnt of sharing. Being not confident is also part of me. The world may believe in me and potentials but not myself, i don't.

However, i really thank God for the past, present and the future He had in mind for me. I was hurt in the past but i know i am recovering today. Hiding my hurts doesn't seem to work. God always takes me back to the root cause of the hurt simply because a hurt can't heal if you don't attend to it. I know i am better each time i hold on less tightly to these hurts and entrust them to Him. Though the process of recovery, i know i am changed. My confidence is not build on me but on Him. I can be humble because compared to God i am only dust that is precious in his sight. A friend mentioned that if i didn't have God i may just try to end my life. (haha) Perhaps not, but i know i will lead a meaningless miserable life.

The most valuable lesson yesterday was me refining the knowledge of God's love for me. Looking at my weaknesses, so who am i that He calls me by name and choose me out, destined to be part of his kingdom to share his glory and be part of eternity with him? This love of yours, i can't fathom.

thank You God. :)

Psalm 8:4
what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?



save keep for me

I don't know about tomorrow;I just live from day to day.I don't borrow from its sunshine For its skies may turn to grey. I don't worry o'er the future, For I know what Jesus said. And today I'll walk beside Him, For He knows what is ahead. Many things about tomorrow I don't seem to understand But I know who holds tomorrow And I know who holds my hand. Every step is getting brighter As the golden stairs I climb; Every burden's getting lighter, Every cloud is silver-lined. There the sun is always shining, There no tear will dim the eye; At the ending of the rainbow Where the mountains touch the sky. I don't know about tomorrow; It may bring me poverty. But the one who feeds the sparrow, Is the one who stands by me. And the path that is my portion May be through the flame or flood; But His presence goes before me And I'm covered with His blood. -ruth ling, i know who holds tomorrow.

the future is just as near as how you see it. today, i wondered more about the tomorrows ahead. we live today as a preparation for tomorrow. we learn we grow we prepare. however, life is one big perspective as you grow and as you see more of this world. each decision made today, makes an direct or indirect impact to tomorrow. as i am heading towards adulthood, i realise there are many more i need to discover and it starts from knowing myself. if i dont know myself, i cant know others or the world. there are so many aspects in life to ponder over and be worried over like what career i will end up in, will i fulfill my aspirations, can i find a soulmate, will i make my life at the end of the day count.. it all seems far now but the future can just be tomorrow. all because we are gonna choose our major for the course real soon!

as i look towards an uncertain future, i look to my God. Don't see him though the lenses misted with worries and doubts, instead i want to look to him with a child-like faith. My life is in his hands and he holds my tomorrows. We made a promise to save keep this heart, it shall not wander because i want it to be always right where my God is. :)

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

now.. study hard, play hard, serve hard. amen.

JeslineYEO :D
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